New Jersey. I’m writing this from my phone. I haven’t used a computer in over a week.
New Jersey is quite possibly the strangest state I’ve ever been to.
I’m really enjoying spending time with my cousins, uncle and aunt. It’s a total shift from only seeing them a few times a year to living with them for a short period.
Kids are so funny and refreshing. I wish I could write all the wonderful things they come up with. From mispronunciation to silly outfits.
I’ve met a lot of interesting adults with successful careers, a lot of moms who play tennis. It’s a total shift from what I’m used to at home. My uncle says “it’s not wrong, it’s just different.” I keep reminding myself of a phenomenon my friends and I often talk about; reverse ignorance. We had the privilege of growing up in an extremely diverse area both racially and socioeconomically. I’m used to variety. None of my friends look the same or come from the same household structures. I like it that way, but I’m aware it’s atypical.
Here. Things are so different. For being so near to one of the most vibrant cities on earth the kids here seem to all enjoy the privilege of wealth and a (unknowing) comfort with a total lack of diversity. I don’t remember talking about how big my friends’ houses were at 12. That stuff just didn’t cross my mind. Another thing is most of the kids I meet on my daily outings with my cousins always say something about me being the babysitter, as if having a cousin of another race (or half race) is an impossible thought. My cousins are quick to correct, but it’s still strange. One girl, who I’ve since won over with my taste in nail polish color and willingness to swim with kids, said she thought I was someone else’s babysitter who just happens to be an older black woman. I get it. They are kids. They don’t know, but still…it’s strange to experience.
A big joke around here is “are you going to tweet or blog that?” I often respond that it’s all material for my book. I even outted this blog last night (I hope no one new is reading this), but honestly this will be my one and only post from the Garden state. All of these people have welcomed me into their world, this won’t be The Nanny Diaries New Jersey Edition.
I’m counting the days until I’m home…14.
Until next time.
So I made it though DBlog week and now I’m trying to find a way to make a comeback.
The problem is, I have so many problems.
Some of which I’ve discussed before. I’m not sure how I feel about putting my life on the Internet anymore. BUT I feel such a need to express my thoughts. It’s also a bit boring to write for a small audience, although I wouldn’t want the pressure of audience expectations either. It has never been my intention to write for an audience, I want to write for myself. But there is something great about feedback that makes me want to keep writing. There is also the fact that a good amount of what I want to write about involves outside parties or facts I don’t have the emotional capacity to face. It can be very emotional to pull together my best post ideas. Where does this leave me? I’m not sure.
So many contradictions! Welcome to my brain. How about we move on to something lighter while I try to figure this out?
Does anyone still watch American Idol? I’m pretty good with predicting winners and this year was no exception. So congrats to the crooning cutie Phillip Phillips! I guess America couldn’t resist the sweet southern stylings, I know I couldn’t. He’s just adorable and a Virgo (like me, I have a thing for predicting that too). I hope his kidneys don’t continue to plague his career. In the words of my aunt, a 40-something mother of 3, “If I saw him on the street, I’d just run up and kiss him!”
Here’s the winning single:
It’s been too long. Almost a month. I keep telling myself I need to write, but I’ve been spending most of my time enjoying my summer. Making new friends and just trying to live.
I got my associates degree! Graduated from something for the first time since 6th grade! Orientation for Scholarship University is in 2 weeks. I’m a little nervous about the transition, but I’m sure I’ll be okay.
I’m still jobless, but I’m working on it. It’s really hard with no experience real experience (quitting that awful waitressing job doesn’t count for much), and because I would rather only work for the summer. I’m hoping it will work out. I have a small lead with a friend of my mom. Cross your fingers.
My family has been experiencing a lot of health problems. My grandmother has been in and out of congestive heart failure, and we aren’t quite sure what this means. My mom has a kidney stone that requires several procedures to be removed, but it should be all cleared up by next week. Life is weird.
I have so many little diabetes updates. My pump failed. My Dexcom failed, yesterday. My A1C was 6.8 in May. I’ve lost some weight. My doctor wants me to try Metformin. All of these things are worthy of individual posts, and they are coming. I miss the community. I see you all tweeting, advocating, and writing, and all I want to do is jump back in.
Love Song - The Cure/311/Adele
Bad news. There will be no scholarships from First Choice University. While my 3.68 GPA is “commendable” it is not “competitive enough”. So there’s that. And so much more.
Maybe I spoke too soon. I keep seeing signs. Doubts are creeping in. My advisor seems to think I’m making the wrong choice. I know my father thinks I am. My mom, sister and friends all say they are with me no matter what. But I’ve already put down my deposit and I don’t have the money to make one at Scholarship University. I’ll find out if I got the full ride by Friday.
The biggest reason that I would chose the University of Scholarship is the money and the prestige.
I could also live at home or move out with the money that I wouldn’t be paying tuition with. I would barely have a commute and graduate debt-free-ish. It seems like a no brainer. I could be happy. I could make it work. I could. I think.
I hate being in limbo. I’m going to visit the program on Friday morning. I can’t cross it off the list until then.
I hope that one day I have more to write about then whining about turning down scholarship money.
Heart of a Lion – Kid Cudi (Explicit)
I’ve been thinking about something. I’m always shocked when people use different words for the same thing. Regional and familial terminology is fascinating, I mean hey there is a whole genre of chain emails related to it. I know that I have a few things I’ve taken from my mom’s central Pennsylvania upbringing and a few others that I’ve picked up from other people. Here are a few examples:
- What do you call that fizzy drink in a can/bottle?
I call it soda. My friend from Nebraska calls it pop.
- How about the way your skin feels when you are chilly or you hear someone sing a great song on American Idol?
Goosebumps! I’ve also heard: Chicken skin & goose pimples.
- Another weird one. The thing that holds your hair style in place?
I call it a rubber band. I’ve heard: Ponytail, ponytail holder, and hair tie.
Here’s my favorite….
- Those little crusty bits that form in the corners of your eyes while you sleep?
I call them sleepers. Alternates: Sleepies, crispies, sandies, eye boogers.
Have you ever encountered a term for something that has just caught you off guard? You’d just never thought someone would call it that.
I think one day I’ll record my funny pronunciations. Did you know that orange is pronounced with an Rrr? Well, at least that’s how I say it!
*Wordplay – Jason Mraz
Aside from the daily stress of REAL LIFE, one of the biggest reasons I stepped away from blogging was privacy. Not just my own privacy, but for my friends and family. When I started writing on the internet I had no concept of what should be off limits. I’ve shared personal stories, pictures and sometimes names. I’m even Facebook friends with some of my fellow bloggers. I haven’t had any rules. I never really asked for permission. I needed to take a step back, reevaluate. I have done that and I’m still working through what is okay to share here. It’s a learning process this blogging thing. So, to jump back into it all I’ll be mixing it up. Using Plinky and the wonderful Reverb 10 prompts for inspiration. Hopefully from there, the ideas will flow and I’ll be back in the groove.
*Say – John Mayer
I’m back. After a brutal, GPA murdering semester I’ve got 6 weeks off to dedicate to myself. It’s my “almost new year’s resolution” to get back to writing. I’ve hesitated to blog over the past few months for several reasons, but I think I’m ready to start again. There is a lot of change coming my way in the next few months, and I want to document it all along the way. Here goes…
Where was I? I’m resorting to a bullet point update.
- I survived my dramatic birthday meltdown. 19 is okay. I think I can handle this last teenage year. I do not like growing up though. It’s hard. It’s a little confusing. More on that another day.
- My grandma is back home. She spent a week or so in the hospital. It was a tough time. I felt terrible when I talked to her on the phone. She asked me if I would be coming with my mom to take care of her and my grandpa. I told her that I couldn’t because of school. She said she understood saying that school was more important. In that moment I could not have disagreed more.
- Speaking of school. I dropped a class (Biology), but I picked up a major…
- I’m committed. You can’t win unless you try. So, I’m going for it. I’ve been trying to say it out loud so that I can’t back out. It’s working so far. What better place to out yourself than a blog post?
Jillian, what’s your intended major?
VISUAL ARTS! WHOOO!
- I’m a little scared about telling the other members of my school’s Honors Academy (the scholarship program that’s paying for this dream). Let’s just say they are ALL the future doctors, engineers, and accountants of America. Then there’s little artsy me…whatever.
- I need to write here more. I keep promising myself that I will.
- If there’s anything you’d like to hear about, let me know!
Today was weird. That is all. I’ve got nothing.
It’s Thursday. In my house that means Chipotle and Grey’s Anatomy. We call it Chipotle Thursday. I won’t be here tonight. I’ll be celebrating Thursday with friends watching the same show I could be watching at home. It’s funny, over time rituals morph. My mom and I started Chipotle Thursday. Then my sister would join during the weeks she was home. Now she’s temporarily living here, so she’s become the third amiga. When school started Chipotle Thursday became Grey’s Thursday. Sometimes at home, sometimes in my friends’ dorm room. Life is weird. The little things change right before your eyes.
PS. A year ago today Barack Obama was elected as the 44th President of the United States…where did that year go?