Archive | February, 2009

On my mind.

27 Feb

Warning… extreme senseless rambling. I really don’t even know what I’m trying to say, so I don’t expect you to understand because I barely do. It’s just a list of some thoughts I’ve had lately:

·      Admittedly I don’t know how certain things work exactly, but why is it okay for Oprah to do an in depth report about the real face of the recession while she sits comfortably on her gorgeous stage in Chicago in expensive clothes and jewelry? Why is it okay that she has as much money as she has? Why is okay for anyone to have that much money and not give it away?

·      I watched this movie this morning called “Taking Chance”. It was about a marine who escorts the body of a 19-year-old boy from Dover, DE to his hometown in Wyoming. I cried almost from beginning to end. Why the hell are 19-year-old boys dying in a country half a world away?

·      How can America try to fix other countries when we don’t even know how to fix our own?

·      Why do we build million/billion dollar sports complexes with homeless men sleeping outside? Who said that was okay?

·      Why do I waste my time watching American Idol?

·      Why don’t people realize that we are all connected, instead of being in this for ourselves? I didn’t know that the American Dream meant forgetting about your fellow man.

·      If fast food is bad, why is it even sold? Why do I even eat it?

·      Why can’t I be more thankful for all of the things I do have?

·      Why do people, including myself, covet material things? Do I really need the iPod, the laptop, the shoes, the clothes, the car, the dvd’s, the cameras etc? 

·      If this causes cancer and that causes heart disease and the air is filled with pollution doesn’t that just mean there isn’t a point in choosing healthy options because in the end if one thing doesn’t kill us the other will?

·      Why do I complain instead of doing something? Because I don’t even know where to start and just starting anywhere seems completely pointless. 

In other news. I’m really trying to figure out what I’m doing with this blog. I have about 8 notebooks and zillions of post-it’s with all of these stories and ideas, but I just can’t seem to get to posting them. My sister says it’s because I edit myself too much, so maybe there will be a few more of these rambling posts to get things started.

Until next time. 

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Role Reversal

17 Feb

When I was in 3rd grade my Nana had a heart attack. It happened right after Thanksgiving and my grandparents wedding anniversary that year. I was only eight years old, but I still have some vivid memories of that time. It started with an emergency bypass surgery followed by time on a ventilator. Then, there was a hospital-born staph infection resulting in another surgery. More time in the ICU, step down units, and finally weeks in a rehab. I can close my eyes and picture all of those moments as if it all happened weeks ago. Mostly I remember our Friday routine. Every Thursday night while I prepared my things for the weekend my mom would write the required request for early dismissal the next day. On Friday mornings she would drop me off, note in hand, only to return hours later for the 3 hour drive to be with my grandparents in Pennsylvania. We repeated this routine every weekend for months. Sometimes in our car, sometimes in a rental, but always the two of us. I played quiet and concerned co-pilot to her frazzled yet steady driver. Together we welcomed my first cousin, Christmas, and watched winter melt into spring as we traveled back and forth. It’s safe to say I came to know those stretches of highway like the back of my hand. When we got the call this past Thursday that my Nana was headed to the hospital once again, for something that turned out to be less serious than we initially thought, I looked at my mom and said calmly, “Don’t worry, I’ll drive.” On Thursday night, just like the Thursdays of our past, we planned and prepared for our Friday routine. For all of those months when I was younger I could only sit by her side as I watched my mother struggling and tired, but now I could share some of the burden in this simple way. On a long stretch of road on the way to the tiny Pennsylvania coal mining town that my mother calls home, a place where things slow down even though the car is picking up speed, it occurred to me that things had come full circle. I was in the driver’s seat, steady and quiet, and my mother had become the worried passenger that I once was.

Testing 1,2,3.

12 Feb

Here goes nothing.

I think I’ll just start by explaining the meaning behind title of this blog.

‘All Ways Jillian’ is my sad, sad attempt at being poetic or using a play on words, I’m not exactly sure what the proper term is. Anyway, as you probably know this isn’t my first time at the blog rodeo. I previously maintained a blog about my life with Type 1 Diabetes, through which I found out I enjoyed writing. Then, I realized I had more to say about life that did not relate to living with Type 1 Diabetes. I wanted to write about my life and share my opinions in more than just a Diabetes focused way, but I needed a more appropriate place. So this is me, Jillian, in every way or all ways
The second part is that I always prefer to be called Jillian. Seriously, only my Nana calls me Jill. My friend Kelly says it’s because I have control issues. I agree with her for the most part, but really it’s just that I don’t feel like a Jill. Plus, my sister named me and I wouldn’t just toss away the name she chose specifically for me. Although for a period of time in 4th grade I requested my family call me Shaniquia, but that’s a whole other story. 
To be honest, I really wanted a title that started with an ‘A’ because you get to be at the top of most blog rolls. Sneaky? Absolutely.

Here we go!