I’m gonna make it mine

1 Jun

I finished my first year of college?

I finished my first year of college.

I finished my first year of college!

Exactly one week ago I walked out of my last final of the year. I did it. Me.

I think I’m still in shock that I survived the year. I didn’t just survive. I triumphed. I am my own success story. There have been moments even months in the past few years where I never thought I would type or utter those words.

Today, I turned in one of the worst essays I’ve ever written in my entire life. It was a part of an application to my school’s Honors Academy. I’m not sure what made it bad. I can’t put my finger on it. I think it had something to do with the 500 word limit. The topic: What is your educational philosophy? & How would the Honors Academy benefit from having you as a member?

I knew exactly what I wanted to write about as soon as I picked up the application a month ago. My experience with anxiety has shaped so many things in my life including my thoughts on school. Easy right? Personal experience and all that. To a certain extent it was easy. I know the story so well. I know the ending and it’s a happy one. But writing about it was harder than I thought it would be. I cried the first time I typed it out. I edited, lessening the sob story and turning up the sunshine. I erased paragraphs and wrote them over again. I worked the essay to the ground. The story is a good one, the story telling…I’m not so sure. I thought too much. I spent too much time talking about my experiences and not enough on how I’d benefit the Academy. I thought it was almost self-explanatory. I’ve struggled, I’ve worked hard, and I’ve found some success along the way by trying alternatives. I think outside the box and I can face challenges. I really hope it’s enough. The scholarship would mean a lot for me. I’m scared.

Thankfully the next step involves an interview. Maybe whatever my essay lacks (in my eyes) can be made up for in person. The director of the Academy was my professor this semester, so that lessens the pressure. I don’t think I’ve wanted something this badly in a long time.

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3 Responses to “I’m gonna make it mine”

  1. colleen June 1, 2010 at 7:21 pm #

    Jillian!
    How cool! You did it! And I’m sure you’ll continue to be a great student.
    Fingers crossed for the Honors Academy. You’ve worked hard.

  2. Cara June 1, 2010 at 11:37 pm #

    Congrats on finishing YOUR FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE! 🙂 An accomplishment all the way around. 🙂 The next few years will fly by too (trust me!). I hope you are enjoying every second that you can. And good luck with your Honors Academy. They’d be lucky to get you.

  3. Kerri. June 9, 2010 at 12:08 am #

    Congrats!!!

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