A working class hero is something to be

17 Jun

So. I’m still dealing with terrible anxiety related issues. Mostly involving my GI tract acting a fool. I’m worried, because this is the same way I felt right before I left traditional high school. The only thing that’s giving me hope is that I have been able to push through it. I’m still getting up to go to my summer class 4 days a week, and I started my job this past weekend.

About my job… I’m a waitress. So far it’s just been training. Saturday, I kind of followed another girl around while she did her thing. Sunday, I worked with this guy and literally helped him make it through the day. I even overheard the manager say that I was good, just like she expected. But here’s the thing, I had so much trouble managing my Diabetes while running around the restaurant. I’m afraid that if it’s this way when I’m only training, it will be 10 times worse when I’m on my own. I excused myself to the bathroom a few times, but the day is long the running is constant and the stress is high. Saturday I ended the day at a respectable, but falling 104 mg/dL. Sunday was not the same story. I walked out of the restaurant exhausted, sweaty and at a blood sugar of 323 mg/dL. I can speculate the reasons these two days ended differently, but I’ll never know exactly. I just know that around 2PM Sunday I considered walking in to the kitchen and quitting like some dramatic movie scene. I was hot, I wanted to throw up, and I had no idea what my blood sugar was because the restaurant was too busy to go check it. I told the manager when I was hired that I had Type 1 Diabetes and I would need to be able to test whenever possible, and she seemed understanding. But it became more and more clear as I went through the training that is wasn’t going to be that simple. I don’t know how to balance my “I’m just as capable as these other waiters” attitude with the “I need to take care of myself before I can take of anyone else” idea on top of following the rules of the restaurant. I want this job. I’m good at it so far. But I don’t know how to handle it and my Diabetes. I came home from work Sunday and had one of those epic, “I hate this disease” moments. My mom and I talked about seriously pursuing CGMS. She even called my doctor Monday morning, but the secretary gave her the Medtronic CGMS rep’s phone number instead of the Dexcom guy. Which is understandable since my mom didn’t specify and most of my doctor’s patients are on Medtronic pumps. But even if I do get the CGMS, which is thankfully covered 100% by our wonderful insurance it won’t help me tonight when I go back, or Saturday, or Sunday when I’m officially on my own as a waitress…


One Response to “A working class hero is something to be”

  1. Cara June 17, 2010 at 6:54 pm #

    I understand the stress. Sometimes what we’re doing is really hindered by diabetes….even if we don’t want it to be. I’d hate to say start out high and that way you have room to drop. But if you were high another day, that leaves a whole nother thing to look at.
    I really love my MiniMed CGMS. It’s not always perfect. And it does have a lag time. But I’ve had it for over 2 years now and I have trouble remembering life without it.
    Some people love Dexcom. I haven’t tried it, so I can’t say which is better. But getting one either way would help you out in college in general.
    As for the anxiety of college and summer school. Hon, I wasn’t on an insulin pump, didn’t have CGMS, and didn’t have to deal with some of the anxiety issues that you deal with….and yet college was just stressful all the way through. It’s hard. I think it’s supposed to be.
    Keep on. You are a remarkable person and I believe you can do it. And do be afraid to ask for help!

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