Archive | January, 2011

You’ll know when to take all the right chances*

25 Jan

I’m back at school. So far so good. Today will be the test. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are very long, I’m used to having afternoons to myself. Now the time that would be for Oprah (yeah I’m a fan, I should have gone with her to Australia!!!) will be spent in an art history class. At least it’s a subject I’m interested in. I’m excited for this semester. I think I made the right decision to go with art. Earlier this year my grandmother told me that money means nothing if what you’re doing isn’t what you love. The same could be said for school. I could be pursuing any number of things, but none of them would make me enjoy going to school each day. This semester is not so much an academic challenge, but a creative one. It’s all so new. Can a chronic doodler learn how to draw? Can I go from film to digital (with editing) photography? Can I handle the critiques? This is the biggest step outside of my box I’ve taken since the waitressing job, and this one means so much more. I’m excited, I’m scared, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ready. Hopefully I’ll still have this feeling in a few weeks, and by the end of the semester.

This is my last semester at my community college. As much as I appreciate the opportunities I’ve received there, I’ll be happy to leave. It was my stepping stone, but I’m ready to move on. I’ve already submitted one application, but I’m dragging my feet on the last one. I don’t want to go this school. It’s not the right place, and I know that more than ever. I just hope things work out with my first choice. I hate waiting. I guess it’s true…time will only tell.


*One More Weekend – The Academy Is…


18 Jan

I went to the endo yesterday. My A1c is 6.5! We talked about weight loss options, moving on to a different endo, and a few other things. I have a lot to say, but I don’t have the time right now. I just wanted to write this down.


Today’s song…

4 Minutes – Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake



Let’s talk about life. Let’s talk about it twice.

14 Jan

Things change and I’m totally okay with that. That hasn’t always been the case. Extremely resistant to change, pretty much explains how I used to be. The first sign of difference that wasn’t on my terms, and it was time to go. Today it’s more like cautious but flexible.

Things are changing.

I’m reworking a friendship. It’s been rough. Words have flown from places I never could have imagined. The waters seem calm now, but there are definitely storms ahead. This is growing up, and it’s harder than I would have ever thought it could be.

There is someone new in my life, but I’m not sure how to explain it. Just friends, I guess. Several reasons why it has to stay that way, including but not limited to the fact that I could totally be reading into it too much. I’m okay with it. It’s been nice having this new kind of friendship. I just don’t want to become one of those awful girls who falls (hate that term) for a totally and completely unavailable person. It’s kind of like throwing yourself in front of a bus, everyone gets hurt. To be honest, I’ve always thought I was immune to boys and their mysterious ways. I guess not.

I submitted my first transfer application last night. I felt sick afterwards. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so badly. It’s my first choice school. Crossing my fingers. I need this. I think I’ll share my essay here after I find out the news…February/March where are you??!
I still have to submit one to my second choice school. I can’t bank on my dream just yet. Plus, it’s kind of a requirement of my scholarship to apply to this school. I guess a 3 page essay on an important global issue and how I would use my education to change it won’t be too hard. Diabetes anyone? Diabetes and art…I’m letting it marinate.

I’m back in school. Sort of. It’s just a 6 day winter class. It’s been entertaining and draining. I was just at that point where I was letting myself sleep in, and BAM school! I’ll be back for real in just over week. I’m looking forward to this semester, but I’m also a little worried. I’ll be immersed in my art major requirements for the first time. I’m a little scared that I won’t have the skills required. My other semesters have been academic challenges, this one will be a creative challenge. On top of that I’ve got a portfolio to build for a separate major specific application to the first choice school. Only time will tell.


Believe – A Cursive Memory

I’ve outgrown the narrow, protective container

10 Jan


December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

After my first glance at this prompt I didn’t think I had an answer or more specifically I didn’t think I ever cultivated wonder this past year. There were far too many moments this past year spent stuck. I was going through the motions at certain times. I was functional and that was about it. But then there were other moments, just about all of the ones I spent in my photography class for instance. I learned something so new. I worked hard. I turned a vision into a shot, into a strip of negatives, into a print, into an award, into love. I cultivated wonder through art. I got a job. I hated it. I learned about myself and the kind of treatment I was unwilling to accept. I hoped for better things in my future, I learned, I cultivated wonder. I believed in myself, I took bigger leaps than I’ve ever taken before. The more I think about it I actually cultivated wonder in every aspect of my life. We are always learning, exploring, hoping, and if we aren’t it’s not living. By simply living each day I cultivate wonder.


Untamed – Gavin Degraw

These are my confessions*

6 Jan

I haven’t written about diabetes since October. That’s the last time I went to the endo. It was a good appointment. I went alone for the first time, and I got back my lowest A1C ever! After that Diabetes took a backseat. A rough semester and dependency on my Dexcom changed the way I managed my diabetes. I check a little less often. Although old habits die hard and I still have the battered fingers of a 10 times a day tester. I couldn’t tell you the last time I checked the averages on my meter.
Okay, I just did it. Here are the results…
7 day – 158
30 day – 144
90 day – 139

Nothing to be embarrassed about really. It’s just that it took a lot of effort to find the things that work for me and now I’m just kind of stuck. It took years to figure out that Chinese food needs to be more of a rare occasion meal and how to bolus for pizza. I fought for years against the pump, but now I don’t know what I’d do without it. I’ve adjusted to Dexcom and the second site it requires.
But I feel like I could be doing things better. I could be more diligent. That 6.4 could be a 6.0. I could remember how many days my infusion site has been in. The current one, possibly day 3 or maybe it’s 4. The Dexcom sensor? At least 11 days, maybe more. I could be eating better, exercising. It’s hard to change your habits when it seems like you are doing okay. I’m thankfully complication free. Although I do have moments where I wonder if there is something I’m just not noticing. I’ve got a clean bill of health and a “see me in a year” from my eye doctor. I should be happy. It seems like things are okay, but I feel like I’m doing it all wrong. Like I don’t care enough. I used to be consumed by the numbers, obsessive, sensitive to changes. I think I rely too heavily on the Dexcom for alerts. All the signs say I’m doing things right, but I can’t help but feel like I’m not. Diabetes is so tricky. It’s an emotional game.

*Confessions II – Usher

You’ve hit your low. You’ve lost control.*

4 Jan

It’s only the fourth day of the new year and I’m already exhausted.

It’s safe to say I’m an introvert. Surprising since I chose to write about my life on the internet, right? But honestly I draw more from myself than other people, that’s a simple version of the Myers-Briggs definition for an introvert.

I am the queen of days off and quiet time. Winter break does not lend itself to these types of activities. It’s all about making plans with the friends you won’t see until spring break and for some until the summer. We jam pack adventures to the city, nights of dancing, sleepovers, and five hour lunch discussions into a brief 4 weeks before the focus shifts and we head our separate ways back to school.

To a certain extent I love the time I spend with my friends, but it can be draining. I think I’m going to need a break from them before I have a break down. So after this brief trip to the city I’ll be taking a few days off to refocus, start writing college application essays, prepare for my winter class, and the coming semester. I think this is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over time. It’s okay to take a break. So I will.

* Just A Feeling – Maroon 5

2010 in review

2 Jan

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The Leaning Tower of Pisa has 296 steps to reach the top. This blog was viewed about 1,000 times in 2010. If those were steps, it would have climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa 3 times


In 2010, there were 21 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 51 posts. There were 9 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 11mb. That’s about a picture per month.

The busiest day of the year was September 3rd with 30 views. The most popular post that day was I haven’t been this scared in a long time.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,,,, and Google Reader.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for all ways jillian, get so caught up everyday, allways jillian, just for one night no one will ever know, and take me the way i am.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.


I haven’t been this scared in a long time September 2010
1 comment


About Me February 2009
1 comment


Got the news today, doctors said… October 2010


Someday I’ll be so damn much more July 2010


I can’t believe what you said to me July 2010
1 comment