These are my confessions*

6 Jan

I haven’t written about diabetes since October. That’s the last time I went to the endo. It was a good appointment. I went alone for the first time, and I got back my lowest A1C ever! After that Diabetes took a backseat. A rough semester and dependency on my Dexcom changed the way I managed my diabetes. I check a little less often. Although old habits die hard and I still have the battered fingers of a 10 times a day tester. I couldn’t tell you the last time I checked the averages on my meter.
Okay, I just did it. Here are the results…
7 day – 158
30 day – 144
90 day – 139

Nothing to be embarrassed about really. It’s just that it took a lot of effort to find the things that work for me and now I’m just kind of stuck. It took years to figure out that Chinese food needs to be more of a rare occasion meal and how to bolus for pizza. I fought for years against the pump, but now I don’t know what I’d do without it. I’ve adjusted to Dexcom and the second site it requires.
But I feel like I could be doing things better. I could be more diligent. That 6.4 could be a 6.0. I could remember how many days my infusion site has been in. The current one, possibly day 3 or maybe it’s 4. The Dexcom sensor? At least 11 days, maybe more. I could be eating better, exercising. It’s hard to change your habits when it seems like you are doing okay. I’m thankfully complication free. Although I do have moments where I wonder if there is something I’m just not noticing. I’ve got a clean bill of health and a “see me in a year” from my eye doctor. I should be happy. It seems like things are okay, but I feel like I’m doing it all wrong. Like I don’t care enough. I used to be consumed by the numbers, obsessive, sensitive to changes. I think I rely too heavily on the Dexcom for alerts. All the signs say I’m doing things right, but I can’t help but feel like I’m not. Diabetes is so tricky. It’s an emotional game.

*Confessions II – Usher


One Response to “These are my confessions*”

  1. colleen January 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm #

    You care – you just have a lot of things to care about. Looks like you’re doing a great job so, enjoy!

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