Archive | April, 2011

Is there anyone out there?

21 Apr

Random thoughts:

  • I’ve been really into my horoscope lately. Probably because it’s so spot on. I am truly a virgo.
  • I really love Casey on American Idol. Like a lot.
  • DWTS I ❤ Kirstie and Maks!
  • Justin Bieber needs to come out with a summer jam. Yeah I said it. JUSTIN BIEBER!
  • I’m graduating in just over a month!
  • True Blood June 26!
  • I need a job…but I know it will all work out.
  • I can’t decide if I should take a painting or drawing class this summer. Maybe sculpture?
  • It’s cold outside. Yesterday it was 85. Spring is weird.
  • Boys…waste of time.
  • Friends…life is simpler when you keep the best ones super close.
  • I’d make a horrible roommate.


Harder to BreatheMaroon 5 (Performed by Casey Abrams)

Would I be able to and would I be afraid?

20 Apr

I don’t know if I should be writing about this on the internet, but I need to get it out. I could try to be vague, but I don’t think it will work out. Here it is.

Let’s just say that there is an event coming up. You’ve known about it for a while. You have to participate in this event by speaking in front of a large crowd. You have made the other members of the presentation aware of your public speaking fears and even the administrators who are leading the event. Or so you think. Maybe you weren’t forceful enough. Maybe they thought you were kidding. Maybe they didn’t actually read the essay you wrote to get a scholarship they are in charge of that was ALL about ANXIETY. Maybe just maybe…

Now, let’s say someone who is your superior sends you a script after all of the above. And you have the second longest speaking part. In a panic you send an email voicing your concerns. The response is simply “that’s news to me”. NO it is NOT! And then when this person edits the script to give you two short sentences she sends you a separate email telling you that ‘late notice is hard to work with and you should keep this in mind for the future’. I just replied with a thank you and I’ll keep that in mind.

I’ve got a month left. A week until this event. I can ride this out, but I know I’m not wrong. I know I voiced my concerns early. It isn’t my fault that I wasn’t heard. I know what I said. I don’t want to be upset. But I can’t help but be. I think it’s unprofessional to say you are an advisor and then treat someone the way I was just treated. Maybe just maybe…

It’s All Your Fault – Pink

Call me crazy if you’ve got it in you

18 Apr

It’s O.V.E.R. It’s Facebook official. The University of Scholarship won the race. I think somewhere inside me I knew it would be this way all along, I’m just stubborn. The partial scholarship isn’t the only thing that pushed it past First Choice University… UofS is closer to home, virtually no commute. I can even move out with the money I won’t have to spend on tuition. Plus, after a tour the art department feels a lot like the one at my community college. It’s really home. Full circle in sense. I went to elementary school in the same town as UofS. So that’s that! I wish I was a bit more excited, maybe I will be in the fall. For now it’s time to power through the last few weeks of this semester. Make summer job and class plans.

All Over Now – Eric Hutchinson

You can’t regret it if you were trying, if you were trying…

12 Apr

Bad news. There will be no scholarships from First Choice University. While my 3.68 GPA is “commendable” it is not “competitive enough”. So there’s that. And so much more.

Maybe I spoke too soon. I keep seeing signs. Doubts are creeping in. My advisor seems to think I’m making the wrong choice. I know my father thinks I am. My mom, sister and friends all say they are with me no matter what. But I’ve already put down my deposit and I don’t have the money to make one at Scholarship University. I’ll find out if I got the full ride by Friday.

The biggest reason that I would chose the University of Scholarship is the money and the prestige.

I could also live at home or move out with the money that I wouldn’t be paying tuition with. I would barely have a commute and graduate debt-free-ish. It seems like a no brainer. I could be happy. I could make it work. I could. I think.

I hate being in limbo. I’m going to visit the program on Friday morning. I can’t cross it off the list until then.

I hope that one day I have more to write about then whining about turning down scholarship money.


Heart of a Lion – Kid Cudi (Explicit)

Everybody look to their left, everybody look to their right.

11 Apr

I didn’t need the pro-con list. Although, I had a brilliant one planned out in my head with pros as silly and serious as “cute boys” and “better program for my major”. I attended new student day at First Choice University and as the president spoke, I knew I was home. There should have never been a doubt in my mind. It’s the perfect fit and it always has been. So here’s to being at the school where the president asks you to look to the left and right and says “if all of you don’t graduate, we’ve failed.” I’m ready. I’m excited. And maybe just a little bit scared. I’m no longer trying to interpret everything as a sign against this school. Here’s to getting out of the house, getting a job, and never coming back…or you know just for holidays and family dinners because, ” your parents want to use that room for other things.”


Price Tag – Jessie J feat. B.o.B.

I can’t keep up with your turning tables

8 Apr

Uh so. Maybe I spoke too soon.

Is it a sign that my admissions didn’t go through, meaning that I haven’t been able to put down my deposit for  First Choice University? Is is a sign that I think I did really well with my interview at the University of Scholarship. So well in fact that the full scholarship feels like it’s already in my bank account? I hate to second guess. I like to lay out my thoughts and make a solid decision. I thought I’d done that. I convinced myself that I could go to First Choice University even if they didn’t give me the best offer. But now I don’t know.

Oprah (yeah I know, shut up) says something like “first you get a whisper, then a brick, then a brick wall.” Was the whisper the fact that the advisor I love from First Choice University is stepping down and I found out the day I decided on that school. Was the brick the fact that I couldn’t pay my deposit or the fact that all they have offered me was a loan? Was the brick wall the amazing interview? If I wait until I get the real offer from Scholarship University, it would probably be “an offer you can’t refuse.”

I’m confused. I want to make a decision and at the same time I feel like I’m jumping the gun. I’ve been telling people that First Choice University was the one, but now I feel a bit lost. My friend told me I should make a pro con list, and I think that’s what I’ll do after I visit First Choice University this weekend.


Turning Tables – Adele

“Go to college, a university, get a real job.” That’s what they said to me…

6 Apr

I have a scholarship interview tomorrow at the school I wrote this essay for. I’m a semi-finalist, meaning that even before I walk in the door I have a 75% scholarship guaranteed. The catch is, I’ve already accepted admission at my first choice school. My future school has not offered me any money, I would have to live on campus, and I haven’t gotten into the program for my major, but I’m banking on it anyway. This might sound crazy. Why turn down the nearly guaranteed full ride? The school that is a stone’s throw from your front door? Well it’s simple. I know that I would never be happy at the scholarship school.

Ironically, tomorrow I’ll have to go to this interview and say the exact opposite. I’d make a great asset to the University of Scholarship because “When I’m involved in something like club XYZ at my community college I really put my heart into it. I’m dedicated and I will do whatever I can to make something happen when it comes to the things I’m passionate about.” What are my strengths and weaknesses? “Well they are one in the same really. I often take on too much because I my disposition is to be as helpful as I can be, but this often leads me  to a great deal of stress. In the end, I’m always able to complete whatever is thrown at me and I still find it hard to remind myself that a little less can be best.” Case in point: The whole reason I’m going to this interview. I have to do it because someone asked me to. I’m nervous about making a fool out of myself, but my community college advisor recommended that I go to keep up appearances with Scholarship University. I agreed, half-heartedly. So tomorrow at 11:05, I’ll sit in front of scholarship committee of 10! To sell myself, when I’m already sold on another school.

The Anthem – Good Charlotte