Archive | May, 2011

If you’re reading this…

11 May

Dear Readers,

Sorry for the brief hiatus.

The semester hit a major overload right before Easter and it hasn’t slowed down yet. I wish I had more time and the confidence to write here more often. Maybe summer will bring that opportunity. I’m excited and nervous for the summer. Jobless (as of right now), but so happy to be finishing my time at community college.

I’ve been missing all the DOC events…it’s D-Blog Week?!

Anyway. I’ll be back. I hope you’re well.

If You’re Reading This – Tim McGraw

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Cause you caught me off guard…

2 May

On Saturday, I did something I’ve never done before. I gave up control.

You see the plan was to spend the day doing volunteer work with a local Christmas in April program. It all started very early because I had to pick up a few classmates on my way to the work site. First mistake, in my rush out the door I forgot to put a new battery in my pump. After a picking up one of the boys we stopped for breakfast, then moved on to pick up another volunteer.

At the work site, the home of a hoarder, there were tons of jobs to do. I tried to pick on that was only a little bit physical, so monitoring my blood sugar wouldn’t be as much of a problem. I spent about 2 hours painting with my pump turned OFF. My blood sugar was in the mid 100’s, safe. Unfortunately, it soon started to rise. I corrected to no avail. I drank water and continued with my work. By 2 PM, I figured out that at some point during the early afternoon my pump had stopped delivering because of the dead battery. I guess I was too distracted by the work and my friends that I didn’t hear it.

Then it was time to leave.

I had to ask someone else to drive my car.

I hated having to admit my weakness to a boy I barely know. Thankfully we had all talked briefly about diabetes and my insulin pump earlier in the day, but it still made me uncomfortable. Everyone was ready to go and I couldn’t risk the one hour (plus) drive with a pump that needed a battery, and I didn’t want to slow down the trip. So I after a little bit of a conversation, he took the keys and we left. After dropping off the first person, my pump was back to work and my blood sugar was going down so I was able to drive the rest of the way. When everyone else was out of the car, I thanked him and took him to get a smoothie. I don’t even think that was enough. He probably won’t ever know how much his ease in taking over the driving duties meant. I trusted him, because I had to and he did it with very little complaint even though I know he didn’t completely understand why he had to do it.

There is so much to control when you have diabetes. Testing. Site changes. Do I have insulin? Are the prescriptions ordered? Do I have low treatments? A syringe in case of emergency? Am I within the target zone?

I know that for me, this kind of control seeps into other areas of my life. I like things done in my own way. No one else drives my car. I like my shoes to be organized one way. I like my hair to be a certain way. I like to be in control. I “need” to be in control.

It’s scary when I have to give it up.

Hero/Heroine – Boys Like Girls