On Saturday, I did something I’ve never done before. I gave up control.
You see the plan was to spend the day doing volunteer work with a local Christmas in April program. It all started very early because I had to pick up a few classmates on my way to the work site. First mistake, in my rush out the door I forgot to put a new battery in my pump. After a picking up one of the boys we stopped for breakfast, then moved on to pick up another volunteer.
At the work site, the home of a hoarder, there were tons of jobs to do. I tried to pick on that was only a little bit physical, so monitoring my blood sugar wouldn’t be as much of a problem. I spent about 2 hours painting with my pump turned OFF. My blood sugar was in the mid 100’s, safe. Unfortunately, it soon started to rise. I corrected to no avail. I drank water and continued with my work. By 2 PM, I figured out that at some point during the early afternoon my pump had stopped delivering because of the dead battery. I guess I was too distracted by the work and my friends that I didn’t hear it.
Then it was time to leave.
I had to ask someone else to drive my car.
I hated having to admit my weakness to a boy I barely know. Thankfully we had all talked briefly about diabetes and my insulin pump earlier in the day, but it still made me uncomfortable. Everyone was ready to go and I couldn’t risk the one hour (plus) drive with a pump that needed a battery, and I didn’t want to slow down the trip. So I after a little bit of a conversation, he took the keys and we left. After dropping off the first person, my pump was back to work and my blood sugar was going down so I was able to drive the rest of the way. When everyone else was out of the car, I thanked him and took him to get a smoothie. I don’t even think that was enough. He probably won’t ever know how much his ease in taking over the driving duties meant. I trusted him, because I had to and he did it with very little complaint even though I know he didn’t completely understand why he had to do it.
There is so much to control when you have diabetes. Testing. Site changes. Do I have insulin? Are the prescriptions ordered? Do I have low treatments? A syringe in case of emergency? Am I within the target zone?
I know that for me, this kind of control seeps into other areas of my life. I like things done in my own way. No one else drives my car. I like my shoes to be organized one way. I like my hair to be a certain way. I like to be in control. I “need” to be in control.
It’s scary when I have to give it up.
Hero/Heroine – Boys Like Girls