It’s crazy how quickly your life can change. Had I sat down to write this post 3 days ago it would have had a different tone, a different subject. But here goes.
I’m adjusting well to Scholarship University. It’s a lot of change, but I’m handling it. Crazy professors, new friends, and reconnecting with old friends. So far, so good.
On Monday I turned 20. It’s kind of a weird age. Not that I care about 21 being on the horizon, but 21 feels more special and 19 was a good year. I feel older with this one though. I can see the difference between myself and freshman who I call classmates. It’s odd. I hate birthdays though. I haven’t had a good one in so long. I can think of only bad memories from the past few I’ve had; friends not showing up, mice in a movie theater, and this time deciding that my dog needed to be put down.
How do you decide something like that?
It honestly happened over my birthday dinner. For about a month my five year old dog Finn had been experiencing severe pain from an unknown neck/back injury. We tried steroids, limiting his mobility, consulted a neurologist. The options were continuing the medication, which really was not working, or an extremely expensive surgery that may or may not have worked. In the end, we knew that it was best to let him go. To see an animal so helpless, he literally would scream and scream as he paced around from discomfort, was more than we could handle. I miss him so much.
I got Finn when I dropped out of school because of anxiety and depression. Some days he was the only thing that encouraged me to get out of bed. I had to take care of the puppy if I did nothing else. I needed him just as much as he needed me. He was more mine than my first dog because I was old enough to truly take care of him. There was a running joke that guests loved Finn, but the family loved Massi more. It’s not true. We loved him, so much. He was the sweetest, calmest, most playful dog. He was quiet and fun, to our other dog’s loud and serious personality. He kept Massi young. There is nothing I loved more than hearing the two of them scamper across our hardwood floors, tags jingling. I’m glad we had the pair, because it’s easier to still have one dog. We are not getting another dog anytime soon. I can’t even think of “replacing” him. I think it’s kind of a sign though. I needed him for so long, we depended on each other when he was a puppy. In the end he needed me to help him escape the pain, so I did. I’ve grown so much since I got him and now he’s gone. If that’s not poetic, I don’t know what is.
Today is my 15 year Diaversary. I don’t really have anything to say. It’s been the best and worst 15 years. I’m complication free. I continue to strive for the best management possible, for me. Sometimes I’m scared about my future, but I’m okay today and that means a lot.
Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday. I love her so much, there aren’t even enough words. I don’t know if she’s reading this. LOVE YOU MOM!
Something good better happen on Friday to balance out this crazy week.