Aside

Nana.

10 Jan

It happened. Just after midnight.

It’s kind of weird because my dad left to go, and on his way there he called my aunt and uncle who told him my grandmother had flatlined. So, he called my sister and I to tell us our grandmother had passed away. Turns out, by the time he finally made it to the hospital, she had some how “come back”. Between the time we received the phone call and the time we found out the news was false about an hour passed. In our haste to celebrate our grandmother’s life, my sister and I alerted the world through what else… Facebook. Then, a text from our dad told us that no, she’s still breathing. So we immediately deleted the posts and waited.

This morning my dad called again, apologized and told me that this time it was for real. I talked to my mom, she sounded surprisingly okay and she asked me to look through pictures for the obituary. I’m trying my hardest, but all of my pictures of Nana look the same. I loved capturing her when she didn’t know. As she looked across a room at my little cousins or gazed taking in the entire family before her. They don’t work for this situation. So I feel like I’m failing a little bit.

I then had to call my sister and tell her that this time it was for real. This is all very strange to me. There aren’t appropriate words for any of it. I’m crying, but there really isn’t anything to cry about. It happened while she was sleeping, I think. It’s what we all know she wanted after years of suffering in a body that just gave up. But it still doesn’t make the fact that she’s gone any less difficult. I hate when I can’t understand things. I don’t “get” death and I don’t “get” why I’m crying because I’m totally okay with it. If I have a life anything like Nana’s I’ll be the second greatest woman to live. She had a great run. I learned so much. I’m okay. It’s going to be okay.

Here are some of my favorite pictures…

Nana & Nana with the all grandkids…about a month after my youngest cousin was born celebrating Nana’s birthday, I think. (2006)ImageImage

Easter Egg Dye (2010). We have this great book that she wrote for us. It says that she always wanted to bring cheer…she did.

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Nothing like a Nana hug and special whisper. (Christmas 2009)

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She had the greatest and funniest stories. Nana and my mom (August 2011). The last picture I took.

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Nana

8/1/1929 – 1/10/2012

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4 Responses to “Nana.”

  1. colleen January 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    I’m sorry your Nana is gone. I can remind you though, that she will live in your heart and memories for all of your life. You are so very lucky to have had her for such a lovely long time. And I love the photo at the end. I can see the twinkle in her eyes.
    Hugs to you Jillian…

  2. Jillian January 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

    Thank you for your kind words Colleen.

  3. pearlsa January 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    Jillian I am sorry about your Nana. Mine died many years ago and she still lives on in my heart I associate certain things with her without thinking which always makes me smile.

  4. Wendy January 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm #

    Jillian,
    I am sorry to hear about your Nana.

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