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If you only knew what the future holds after a hurricane comes a rainbow

31 Dec

So here we are… The eve of a new year. I took the time to go back and read through some old entries, and it was strange to see the places I have been. If I had to give 2011 a word: Growth.

I took a creative leap and it worked out. Lost the longest friendship of my life, in the most ridiculously drawn out way. But I gained allies and friends I never could have imagined. Got into a “real” college, back out on a deposit. Got a partial scholarship to a different school, and many months later the full ride. I’ve always had that second choice luck, and I’m thankful. Graduated from community college. Worried about my grandmother. Went on a disaster date. Listened to tons and tons of Adele, even though it wasn’t necessary. Spent tons of time in the sun with friends. Switched to Maroon 5 music. Contemplated, but what else is new? Started a new university. Met new people, some I love some I can’t stand. Worried about my mother. Put a disease I used to hide in the middle of my art work. Finished a semester with a GPA I can be proud of, even if it’s not my best. Relaxed. Ready to begin a new year…

When I take that all in. I’m impressed. Contrary to the self absorbed nature of blogging, in real life I HATE talking about myself. Even if I’m confident in a talent, my knowledge, my character, I wouldn’t say so. But this place is all mine, even if others get to read it. So I’ll say it. I’m proud. I couldn’t have foreseen the things I faced, but I handled them. I made it through, with my head high. I struggled, but I survived. I had great highs for every low. It was a good year and I’m hoping for another. So here’s to that!



*Firework РKaty Perry


This cycle never ends. Gotta fall in order to mend.

13 Dec

Whoaaaaa. I can’t believe I left that last post up for so long. Sorry for that… if anyone is even still reading this.

The fall semester is over for all intents and purposes. I just have 3 final exams over the next week. I can’t believe I made it. There were points where I hit lows I didn’t feel I could recover from. So much changed from my community college life to the 4 year school I’m currently attending. It’s been difficult. I miss the closeness, the “community” of it all. One thing I’ve discovered this semester is a certain skill with 3-D art… I thought my final piece in particular would be of interest to the DOC.


It’s a body extension sculpture. Basically, I created a hood from insulin pump tubing, insulin bottles, and cartridges. The hood restricted the movement of my arms and required some balance to keep steady; restriction of diabetes. The supplies surround my head as a symbol for the way diabetes is always on my mind and impacts my decision making. I even left one tube hanging and connected it to my pump site during the presentation. It was a great success. A lot of the feedback included how delicate I was able to make the materials seem and the contrast between that and the harshness of the medical condition. One of my classmates even said something to the effect of “it’s so pretty, but it kind of freaks me out”. Mission accomplished.


I’ll be back over break. I’m hopping back into this blogging game. Happy Holidays!


Brand New Day – Joshua Radin

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside

13 Jul

And somehow almost two weeks have passed since my last post. Inspiration is all around me and I just don’t take the time to write it all down. I’ll get to that before summer is over, I hope.

I just wanted to take the time to write this moment down though. This morning I returned a phone call from Scholarship University. It took me an hour to convince myself that it would be good news and calling back was no big deal. I just didn’t want to hear something crazy like “we’re sorry but we are taking your scholarship”. Dramatic? Absolutely! (They don’t call me Gigi Drama for nothing.)

It was good news, better than good actually. After further review, I have received a full scholarship for two years to The University! I never really understood that whole “a weight lifted off my shoulders” thing, but now I do. It feels AMAZING to know that I won’t have to take out a loan for much more than books, travel fees, and maybe a new computer. I’m excited. I wish I could bottle this feeling for the moments when I’m at my lowest, because it’s just incredible. I did this. I DID IT!

Your Song – Elton John

Come on, show ’em what you’re worth

28 Jun

I’m in a strange place.

You see, it’s almost July. I’ve spent the time since I graduated doing “nothing”. And by that I mean, hanging out with friends and applying for jobs half heartedly. The majority of my friends are working, but some are not. I had big plans for this summer and then they fell through. I wanted to take a class to get ahead of schedule at Scholarship University, but then my grandmother got sick and my mom wasn’t home to pay for my class and I couldn’t do it online because I wasn’t technically a student anymore at my CC. The deadline passed before we could work it all out.

My mom has a friend with a graphic design business and it seemed like there was an opportunity to “intern” with her. I figured I could spend my time between class and the internship, with flexibility to enjoy the summer with friends. None of that worked out.

Now everyday is a series of “when are you getting a job” interrogations from my parents, my sister, and sometimes my friends. I get it. I should be working. But so should a lot of people, and jobs are not easy to come by. Especially when you have NO experience and admittedly are uncomfortable with most entry level/typical summer jobs. I hate the idea of working with money, too much room for error. Just the thought of what customers and coworkers bring to the table makes me nervous. There’s also the whole “will it look good on the resume” thing, internships are better but they are usually unpaid. Let’s also not forget that at this point I’d be working for 6-8 weeks before leaving the job, if I found one today. I’ve applied a few places, but I feel like giving up. I’m trying my best to find all the on campus opportunities available for the fall. At least if I can line something up for then, I’ll feel less useless. For now. I’ll keep surfing craigslist and various other sources.

I feel like I want to enjoy my summer, but my financial ¬†status is looming overhead. I’d rather spend time this summer improving myself and preparing for this upcoming year, than counting change. But only time will tell…


Firework – Katy Perry

And nevermind if nothing makes sense ’cause it all works out in the end

23 Jun

I thought I was back in the swing of things. I was on a bit of a blogging streak. Honestly I have all the time in the world to sit and write. I don’t have a job to get up for every day or school. Honestly, not that jobs are just raining from the sky but I don’t see how finding a job at this point in the summer will even work out because I’ll quit it in the middle of August for school. I don’t think I can work while I’m in school full time, unless it’s one on campus. I know myself too well for that. I don’t want to take on too much in a time of transition.

Speaking of transition. I went to my orientation for the 4-year school yesterday. Registered for my classes. Learned the victory song. Got some campus swag and my photo ID. This school doesn’t feel like home. Just when I started to feel comfortable and make friends at community college, it all ended. I’m sure that with time, Scholarship University will be home too. It’s a big difference going from 10 people in a class to lecture halls of 100s. It’s also not nearly as diverse, which is something I’m just going to have to get used to.

I started this post thinking I would write about how I don’t want to write any more. How I miss the connection of the community that I feel has been lost for me, but also strengthened among some of the more prominent bloggers. How our community has become something it just wasn’t when I started. It’s a job for many of you. How nice for your life to be your job, but also how awful. I had an opportunity a few summers back to jump into the paid blogging world, and I turned it down. I often wonder if that was the right choice. The DOC in particular has moved in such an interesting direction, and while I still feel like it will always be my home base I can’t identify with the social media and sponsorship etc that has come to be common place. I don’t know what I’m saying really, it’s just an observation. I miss the old days. That seems to be a theme in my life lately.

But as much as I miss the old, I’m cautiously excited for the new. I just wish a few things would fall into place or work themselves out.


Sooner or Later – Michael Tolcher

You make me feel like I am home again

10 Jun

It’s been too long. Almost a month. I keep telling myself I need to write, but I’ve been spending most of my time enjoying my summer. Making new friends and just trying to live.

Quick updates…

I got my associates degree! Graduated from something for the first time since 6th grade! Orientation for Scholarship University is in 2 weeks. I’m a little nervous about the transition, but I’m sure I’ll be okay.
I’m still jobless, but I’m working on it. It’s really hard with no experience real experience (quitting that awful waitressing job doesn’t count for much), and because I would rather only work for the summer. I’m hoping it will work out. I have a small lead with a friend of my mom. Cross your fingers.

My family has been experiencing a lot of health problems. My grandmother has been in and out of congestive heart failure, and we aren’t quite sure what this means. My mom has a kidney stone that requires several procedures to be removed, but it should be all cleared up by next week. Life is weird.

I have so many little diabetes updates. My pump failed. My Dexcom failed, yesterday. My A1C was 6.8 in May. I’ve lost some weight. My doctor wants me to try Metformin. All of these things are worthy of individual posts, and they are coming. I miss the community. I see you all tweeting, advocating, and writing, and all I want to do is jump back in.

Love Song – The Cure/311/Adele

If you’re reading this…

11 May

Dear Readers,

Sorry for the brief hiatus.

The semester hit a major overload right before Easter and it hasn’t slowed down yet. I wish I had more time and the confidence to write here more often. Maybe summer will bring that opportunity. I’m excited and nervous for the summer. Jobless (as of right now), but so happy to be finishing my time at community college.

I’ve been missing all the DOC events…it’s D-Blog Week?!

Anyway. I’ll be back. I hope you’re well.

If You’re Reading This – Tim McGraw