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I’ve outgrown the narrow, protective container

10 Jan

Reverb10

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

After my first glance at this prompt I didn’t think I had an answer or more specifically I didn’t think I ever cultivated wonder this past year. There were far too many moments this past year spent stuck. I was going through the motions at certain times. I was functional and that was about it. But then there were other moments, just about all of the ones I spent in my photography class for instance. I learned something so new. I worked hard. I turned a vision into a shot, into a strip of negatives, into a print, into an award, into love. I cultivated wonder through art. I got a job. I hated it. I learned about myself and the kind of treatment I was unwilling to accept. I hoped for better things in my future, I learned, I cultivated wonder. I believed in myself, I took bigger leaps than I’ve ever taken before. The more I think about it I actually cultivated wonder in every aspect of my life. We are always learning, exploring, hoping, and if we aren’t it’s not living. By simply living each day I cultivate wonder.

 

Untamed – Gavin Degraw

I got a brand new attitude *

30 Dec

Reverb10

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)

This is a tough one.

No, never mind it’s not.

The moment I felt most alive lasted more than a moment, it was actually about an hour. It was late on a Friday night in June. I had just finished another grueling waitressing shift and when I got out to my car I called my mom. I was exhausted. Near tears as was usual at that job. I told her I was on my way home and then she told me I had a letter from school waiting for me on the kitchen table. I told her not to open it and that I’d be home soon. I then called my best friend who had sent me a text to let me know she had something important to tell me. When she picked up she asked if I was home yet. Then she told me she’d received one of places in the Honors Academy at our school, a scholarship that we had both applied for. I told her I was excited and that I needed to drive home, but I’d call her back. As I made the 20 minute trip through the hot June night all I could think about was how much this would mean. I could really justify the fact that I wanted to quit my job if I knew school would be taken care of. It would be a sign that I was headed in the right direction. When someone else can see the potential in you and support it, it means so much. As tears started streaming down my face I pulled into the driveway, parked my car, and ran in the house leaving my shoes and bag behind. I grabbed the letter off the table and did something that I never do, actually read it! I got it! They wanted me! I ran downstairs and told my mom the news. Then I ran up the stairs to tell my dad and sister. They picked me! No one ever picks me! But they did and my hard work had paid off. I don’t think I’d ever felt so acknowledged and alive. I live to feel like that again, and I think that I’ve been able to use that moment as a catalyst for the decisions I’ve made this year. I’ve put myself out there, made decisions I was once afraid to make, and that moment was the start of it all.

*So What – Pink

You can read about the moment here.

I’m just beginning the pen’s in my hand. Ending unplanned.*

29 Dec

I’m going to do all of these! Even if it takes me until the end of 2011.

December 2 – Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

Narrowing it down to one thing is pretty difficult. I think the one thing I do most is over think the whole process. I write these posts in my head, bookmark websites I think will make for great inspiration, write notes on my iPod, but some how I can’t get it all together into consistent writing. I’ve talked about the privacy concerns before and I think that also factors in. Another thing is the success of my writing, I think everyone hopes for more feedback and to be noticed. If that doesn’t happen it can often feel like there is no point. Which is so silly because I never started writing to be read. I started writing for myself. So over thinking and second guessing are the problems…

The solution? Remember that this is for me, as selfish as that sounds. Yes, people can read it. But I shouldn’t try to cater to people who comment or those who don’t take the time to. I should write what I want. So what if it’s awful and no one cares about it? I do! So I just have to make the commitment to keep writing and keep improving.

*Unwritten – Natasha Bedingfield

I’m taking a chance, this could be different*

21 Dec

Let’s start from the beginning. Reverb 10, Day 1, Decemeber 1, 2010 aka TODAY!

One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

My automatic thought for this year was Chance, but I’m not quite sure if that’s the perfect word. I think I deserve a little more credit for where this year has led me. I think it’s something more like Acceptance.

I’ve had more rough years than I can count, but I think that 2010 was a turning point. I stepped off a ledge, and I didn’t drown in the swirling ocean. In January, I started my second semester of college and worked my ass off for a 4.0 GPA. I took a class that changed my life. I’ve met people who inspire me. I applied for a scholarship that I never thought I would get, but I did. It feels great to be accepted. I got a job and I quit it out of principle. I’ve learned to love my friends, in spite of their flaws. I’m still learning to let go of some of them. I’ve faced financial stress. I’ve challenged the norm in a room full of future doctors and accountants by choosing art. I’ve struggled. 2010 was no where near perfect. Because I’ve had the chance to stare myself in the face and really accept who I am, everything has been much easier. By accepting myself and my circumstances, it has been easier to face the everyday challenges. If you aren’t even on your own side, how can you expect anyone else to be? Acceptance was my first step.

For 2011 I would like my word to be Satisfied.

I’ve got a lot of goals to achieve, and I would like to know that I’ve made the right choices. I would like to see myself continue on a positive path. No matter where life leads me over the 365 days of 2011, I just want them to be fulfilled days.

*Different – Acceptance (See what I did there?)