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If you only knew what the future holds after a hurricane comes a rainbow

31 Dec

So here we are… The eve of a new year. I took the time to go back and read through some old entries, and it was strange to see the places I have been. If I had to give 2011 a word: Growth.

I took a creative leap and it worked out. Lost the longest friendship of my life, in the most ridiculously drawn out way. But I gained allies and friends I never could have imagined. Got into a “real” college, back out on a deposit. Got a partial scholarship to a different school, and many months later the full ride. I’ve always had that second choice luck, and I’m thankful. Graduated from community college. Worried about my grandmother. Went on a disaster date. Listened to tons and tons of Adele, even though it wasn’t necessary. Spent tons of time in the sun with friends. Switched to Maroon 5 music. Contemplated, but what else is new? Started a new university. Met new people, some I love some I can’t stand. Worried about my mother. Put a disease I used to hide in the middle of my art work. Finished a semester with a GPA I can be proud of, even if it’s not my best. Relaxed. Ready to begin a new year…

When I take that all in. I’m impressed. Contrary to the self absorbed nature of blogging, in real life I HATE talking about myself. Even if I’m confident in a talent, my knowledge, my character, I wouldn’t say so. But this place is all mine, even if others get to read it. So I’ll say it. I’m proud. I couldn’t have foreseen the things I faced, but I handled them. I made it through, with my head high. I struggled, but I survived. I had great highs for every low. It was a good year and I’m hoping for another. So here’s to that!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

*Firework – Katy Perry

This cycle never ends. Gotta fall in order to mend.

13 Dec

Whoaaaaa. I can’t believe I left that last post up for so long. Sorry for that… if anyone is even still reading this.

The fall semester is over for all intents and purposes. I just have 3 final exams over the next week. I can’t believe I made it. There were points where I hit lows I didn’t feel I could recover from. So much changed from my community college life to the 4 year school I’m currently attending. It’s been difficult. I miss the closeness, the “community” of it all. One thing I’ve discovered this semester is a certain skill with 3-D art… I thought my final piece in particular would be of interest to the DOC.

 

It’s a body extension sculpture. Basically, I created a hood from insulin pump tubing, insulin bottles, and cartridges. The hood restricted the movement of my arms and required some balance to keep steady; restriction of diabetes. The supplies surround my head as a symbol for the way diabetes is always on my mind and impacts my decision making. I even left one tube hanging and connected it to my pump site during the presentation. It was a great success. A lot of the feedback included how delicate I was able to make the materials seem and the contrast between that and the harshness of the medical condition. One of my classmates even said something to the effect of “it’s so pretty, but it kind of freaks me out”. Mission accomplished.

 

I’ll be back over break. I’m hopping back into this blogging game. Happy Holidays!

 

Brand New Day – Joshua Radin

What a waste, where did the time go?

21 Sep

It’s crazy how quickly your life can change. Had I sat down to write this post 3 days ago it would have had a different tone, a different subject. But here goes.

I’m adjusting well to Scholarship University. It’s a lot of change, but I’m handling it. Crazy professors, new friends, and reconnecting with old friends. So far, so good.

On Monday I turned 20. It’s kind of a weird age. Not that I care about 21 being on the horizon, but 21 feels more special and 19 was a good year. I feel older with this one though. I can see the difference between myself and freshman who I call classmates. It’s odd. I hate birthdays though. I haven’t had a good one in so long. I can think of only bad memories from the past few I’ve had; friends not showing up, mice in a movie theater, and this time deciding that my dog needed to be put down.

How do you decide something like that?

It honestly happened over my birthday dinner. For about a month my five year old dog Finn had been experiencing severe pain from an unknown neck/back injury. We tried steroids, limiting his mobility, consulted a neurologist. The options were continuing the medication, which really was not working, or an extremely expensive surgery that may or may not have worked. In the end, we knew that it was best to let him go. To see an animal so helpless, he literally would scream and scream as he paced around from discomfort, was more than we could handle. I miss him so much.
I got Finn when I dropped out of school because of anxiety and depression. Some days he was the only thing that encouraged me to get out of bed. I had to take care of the puppy if I did nothing else. I needed him just as much as he needed me. He was more mine than my first dog because I was old enough to truly take care of him. There was a running joke that guests loved Finn, but the family loved Massi more. It’s not true. We loved him, so much. He was the sweetest, calmest, most playful dog. He was quiet and fun, to our other dog’s loud and serious personality. He kept Massi young. There is nothing I loved more than hearing the two of them scamper across our hardwood floors, tags jingling. I’m glad we had the pair, because it’s easier to still have one dog. We are not getting another dog anytime soon. I can’t even think of “replacing” him. I think it’s kind of a sign though. I needed him for so long, we depended on each other when he was a puppy. In the end he needed me to help him escape the pain, so I did. I’ve grown so much since I got him and now he’s gone. If that’s not poetic, I don’t know what is.

Today is my 15 year Diaversary. I don’t really have anything to say. It’s been the best and worst 15 years. I’m complication free. I continue to strive for the best management possible, for me. Sometimes I’m scared about my future, but I’m okay today and that means a lot.

Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday. I love her so much, there aren’t even enough words. I don’t know if she’s reading this. LOVE YOU MOM!

Something good better happen on Friday to balance out this crazy week.

 

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside

13 Jul

And somehow almost two weeks have passed since my last post. Inspiration is all around me and I just don’t take the time to write it all down. I’ll get to that before summer is over, I hope.

I just wanted to take the time to write this moment down though. This morning I returned a phone call from Scholarship University. It took me an hour to convince myself that it would be good news and calling back was no big deal. I just didn’t want to hear something crazy like “we’re sorry but we are taking your scholarship”. Dramatic? Absolutely! (They don’t call me Gigi Drama for nothing.)

It was good news, better than good actually. After further review, I have received a full scholarship for two years to The University! I never really understood that whole “a weight lifted off my shoulders” thing, but now I do. It feels AMAZING to know that I won’t have to take out a loan for much more than books, travel fees, and maybe a new computer. I’m excited. I wish I could bottle this feeling for the moments when I’m at my lowest, because it’s just incredible. I did this. I DID IT!

Your Song – Elton John