And I have no resolutions…

So. It’s 2010. For a long time 2009 was the only year that mattered, the year I would graduate from high school. I attached the number to screen names and email addresses as a mark of honor. Unfortunately life had other plans for me. Looking back I can’t believe the year came and went so quickly. What a whirlwind. I fell into a group of wonderful friends, who for the first time made me feel safe and at home. I watched them graduate and had the opportunity to attend prom. Over the past 12 months we’ve held hands and danced, driven cars with windows down and music blaring, and grown up. We all started our paths to higher education, in and outside of schools. It feels like 2009 was a the first personal step in the right direction that I’ve taken in a long time. I’m not quite happy with where I am. I feel like I could be doing better, but the fact that I’m aware and willing to work toward something better is what matters. So if 2009 was the year that turned me in a new direction I can only hope 2010 is the one that keeps blazing the path to my future, whatever it may be.

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?

Before my mother had my sister she was afraid of the idea of having a daughter for a simple reason. The hair. My mother is of Irish and Ukrainian descent. My father is African American. Meaning that any future child would be likely have naturally curly hair. Having a boy would be easy, keep it close, nothing to worry about. For a girl the solution would not be so simple. Hilariously, my sister was born almost bald. Eventually her hair evolved into waves and finally loose curls. Nothing too serious. Me on the other hand, I was born with a straight thick black mop of hair that my grandmother thought was a hat the first time she came to see me as a baby. The thick straight mop turn into a little curly afro, then waterfall of tight curls.

Over the years I’ve developed a complicated relationship with my hair. It’s been long, it’s been short, I’ve dyed it, straighten it, anything. Yesterday, I had my hair cut and blown dry straight. As my friend sat in the salon, mouth hanging open in amazement, I was kind of caught off guard. I’m used to the annoying people who think it’s okay to run their hands through my curly hair, like it’s rarity is an open invitation to do so. I’m not used to people treating me like straight hair makes me beautiful. I know my friend only intended to compliment the drastic change from curly to straight hair, but honestly it made me feel off. I like my hair curly. I’m okay with it. It makes me who I am. Straight hair is nice on some people, and it’s fun to change it up every once in awhile. But when people say things like “wow, you just look so great” a compliment I rarely receive from the same people when I have curly hair, I’m turned off. I know that straight hair is what’s preferred by many people, but it’s not my preference. I’ll never have movie star straight hair and I don’t want it. It just makes me sad that the people I know and love, prefer me as someone I’m not. Or think of me as more beautiful when I do something to change myself.  So here… the beautiful me…

The ink is running toward the page

Today was weird. That is all. I’ve got nothing.

I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it

Thankfully most of my friends stayed in the area for college, but a few went away and I miss them so much. One friend in particular is the reason I’m counting the days until Thanksgiving break. She’s at school in Minnesota. Who the hell goes to Minnesota, it’s what I call “fly over country”. My friend loves it there and it shows, but God I miss her. I miss her laugh. I miss the fact that she could complete my sentences when it came to our shared sick sense of humor. I miss the way she debates me when I’m wrong and tells me when I’m being ridiculous. I miss her cursing like a sailor. I miss our Panera and a movie dates. I just miss her. Skype is great, texts are fine, pictures are worth a thousand words, but nothing is better than being in the same place together. Even though we’re not the hugging type of friends I can’t wait to see her and just give her a hug. So here’s to 16 days and the Panera date we’ve already scheduled!

The city where the people hold the power

Seven years ago I was in sixth grade. My sister had just gone away to college. I was at the top of the elementary school food chain. Life was good. And then one day in October something changed. A shooting. And then a few more the next day. All within a short drive from where I live. We were living in the cross fires of the DC Sniper. During 3 weeks that October, 10 people were killed and 3 others were injured. I’ll never know the pain suffered by their families. I only remember complaining about indoor recess and the school lock down. I can remember watching the a police chief give updates on the news every afternoon. I don’t remember being very scared, probably because I didn’t know better.
Tomorrow at 9PM, the state of Virginia will execute the man who terrorized the DC area. It seems like time passed so quickly. For what seemed like the longest 20 days our area lived in fear, and now seven short years later “justice” will be served. I just honestly can’t believe it. I’m not quite sure how to feel.

Can’t find the way ’cause the way is gone

I want to write so badly. I have so much that I need to say, and yet I don’t know know where to start. I’m so consumed by the things that are right in front of me that I can’t even approach what’s going on in my head. It’s easier to be quiet than to let myself share, and at the same time all I want to do is scream about what’s going on. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I’m just so overwhelmed by everything and nothing at all. I’m just aimlessly shifting around the puzzle pieces of my life in the hopes that a solution will present itself.

Just for one night no one will ever know

So. I missed a day/two. Whoops. I spent Friday morning at school, the afternoon driving with friends to Philadelphia, and the evening at a concert. I spent today catching up on my sleep. So here’s a picture for today. Be back tomorrow.

Do it again, again, and again.

It’s Thursday. In my house that means Chipotle and Grey’s Anatomy. We call it Chipotle Thursday. I won’t be here tonight. I’ll be celebrating Thursday with friends watching the same show I could be watching at home. It’s funny, over time rituals morph. My mom and I started Chipotle Thursday. Then my sister would join during the weeks she was home. Now she’s temporarily living here, so she’s become the third amiga. When school started Chipotle Thursday became Grey’s Thursday. Sometimes at home, sometimes in my friends’ dorm room. Life is weird. The little things change right before your eyes.

PS. A year ago today Barack Obama was elected as the 44th President of the United States…where did that year go?

And you take me the way I am.

Such a cop out post. I lifted this from someone at some point and now I’ve finally filled it out.

1. Do you like bleu cheese? Only in dressing form…like with buffalo wings. And on this one burger I had at some restaurant. Otherwise it seems kind of gross.

2. Have you ever smoked? Nope and I don’t plan on it either.

3. Do you own a gun? No.

4. Favorite type of Food? I like American food…I’m very meat and potatoes.

5. Favorite type of music? I can appreciate all types of music. Sceamo to Country to Rap. ANYTHING.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Gross.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Miracle on 34^th Street.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? On school days Vitamin Water, other days whatever I find in the fridge. I don’t do coffee.

9. Can you do push ups? A few, I guess.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I had this claddagh ring that my grandparents gave my mom and then she passed it down to me…but I lost it. I know it’s somewhere. I once lost it for 2 years and found it in my grandparents’ car. So I’m hoping for another miracle.

11. Favorite hobby? Well I have a craft room…so anything of that nature.

12. Do you have A. D. D.? Nope.

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Nope, but I do have a pair that I forced my eye doctor into letting me have for fashion purposes.

14. Middle name? Renee

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: Hmm I like this song. I’m thirsty. I need to finish this thing.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Diet anything. OJ. Vitamin Water.

17. Current worry? An English essay.

18. Current hate right now? School.

19. Favorite place to be? With friends.

20. How did you bring in the new year? Shit I can’t remember. I think my friend came over and we watched the ball drop on TV.

21. Someplace you’d like to go? Anywhere. Although I am not a huge fan of the hassles of flying so that limits the possibilities.

22. Name three people who will complete this. Every other blogger that stumbles upon it.

23. Do you own slippers? Nope, but I want some.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? Dark gray.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Never tried them…seems sketchy.

26. Can you whistle? Yes. I can even do songs!

27. Where are you now? The dining room of my house.

28. Would you be a pirate? Nah. I do not enjoy the ocean.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Hmm I’m not much of a shower singer, but I usually come back to the 90’s boy bands.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Sloane

31. Favorite boy’s name? Jeremiah

32. What is in your pocket right now? My insulin pump.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Telling stories over dinner.

34. What vehicle do you drive? Scion xB.

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I’ve never broken more than a toe, but I once slid a few feet on concrete after slipping on a doormat and lost the skin on my whole knee. It was very bloody.

36. Do you love where you live? Yeah, but I’ve never lived anywhere else so I always wonder what it would be like other places.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Like 5 maybe.

38. How many computers do you have in your house? At least 6.

39. If you changed your job, what would it be? I don’t have a job, so maybe just any job. Actually no, I want to host a radio show.

40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? World peace, more time with my grandparents, and enough resources to help those in need.

Manage me, I’m a mess

I skipped all my classes yesterday in an attempt to get on track with my workload. It was a failed attempt. I did part of an outline for something that’s due at the end of the semester and left everything else for today. Guess what I did today? Over slept, watched things on our DVR, and went out to lunch with a friend. So here’s my to do list for this week:

African American History
Catch up on reading…7 chapters. Whoops.
Outline for this weeks short essay question.
Continue to work on the outline for the final.

Psych 101
Read and take notes on 4 chapters.
Prepare for next week’s quiz.

English 101
Assigned Reading.
Prepare notes for in class essay (test grade).
Figure out what the hell my teacher is talking about during class.

Intro to Marketing
Read assigned chapter.
Complete Quiz.
Submit current event.
Complete case study.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!